These days I am not sure where I belong. I don't know if I want to continue working as a childbirth educator. When I teach classes I feel as if I am giving women information but not support. I seem to do better as a doula, when I can give information and be the second set of hands giving mom counterpressure to her back as the contractions get hard.
I don't know if I want to continue working as a doula. Sure, I love it, I truly do, but I want to do more. I want to be the midwife sitting on the sidelines keeping eye on mom as she labours in her birth tub. I want to be the OB who supports and reaffirms the concept of birth as normal and natural.
I am scared about the current status of midwifery in New Brunswick. Kate Nicholl, who has lobbied long and hard for midwifery legislation in this province, was quoted in the Moncton Times and Transcript a while back saying that once regulation is in place "it will be illegal" for women who are not trained midwives to attend births. I don't want a system like that. I want a system where I can birth the way I want, without my girlfriends fearing jail time should they assist my birth.
For the last month, my brain and emotions have been all over the place in regards to birth. I keep coming back to one thing: that birth is a normal, healthy process. I also believe that we are lucky to have the medical system we have should we need it. But I wish we could all lose the fear. And I wish I could figure my place with women, with birth, with life.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
On being a mother
My children are both miracles. My daughter Emily birthed a new me. She has tested and tried and pulled me in new directions. I love her.
Zachary had a knot in his umbilical cord. He survives, he thrives. I love him.
Today I am celebrating being a mother as it is the eve of my son's 5th birthday. His sister will be 9 soon. They grow and amaze me. I welcomed them into the world the way that I mother them...with love and with their input and with give and with take. I wish all women had the faith in and the transformation by natural, unadulterated birth. Happy BIRTHday to us all.
Zachary had a knot in his umbilical cord. He survives, he thrives. I love him.
Today I am celebrating being a mother as it is the eve of my son's 5th birthday. His sister will be 9 soon. They grow and amaze me. I welcomed them into the world the way that I mother them...with love and with their input and with give and with take. I wish all women had the faith in and the transformation by natural, unadulterated birth. Happy BIRTHday to us all.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Renewal
Today I attended an awe-inspiring birth. I'm tired, I'm moved, I'm relieved. I am so proud of, and happy for, the family I served.
My client had a dream for her birth. She had an incredibly supportive husband. They were a team, they respectfully requested birth care on their terms, and what was deemed "risky" two days ago ended with a peaceful, low-intervention birth. The staff involved were tolerant and truly worked with this couple, discussing options and giving them the space they needed to make decisions. This mom listened to her body and pushed as she saw fit; her big baby slid out while mom was squatting on the floor. Most importantly, she got what she wanted from her birth: to have an active role in the process. At one point, just before her baby entered the world, she let out a laugh that I thought sounded frustrated. I immediately said, "You're almost there!" and she replied, "Yes, I know, I'm happy!"
Tonight I turned off my cell phone for the first time in over two months...until the next client. Today's birth reminds me of all the reasons WHY I do what I do. I love birth, and I love the power and the life that resounds in the process. I am so very grateful to have been a part of today's miracle, and I dream of more to come!
My client had a dream for her birth. She had an incredibly supportive husband. They were a team, they respectfully requested birth care on their terms, and what was deemed "risky" two days ago ended with a peaceful, low-intervention birth. The staff involved were tolerant and truly worked with this couple, discussing options and giving them the space they needed to make decisions. This mom listened to her body and pushed as she saw fit; her big baby slid out while mom was squatting on the floor. Most importantly, she got what she wanted from her birth: to have an active role in the process. At one point, just before her baby entered the world, she let out a laugh that I thought sounded frustrated. I immediately said, "You're almost there!" and she replied, "Yes, I know, I'm happy!"
Tonight I turned off my cell phone for the first time in over two months...until the next client. Today's birth reminds me of all the reasons WHY I do what I do. I love birth, and I love the power and the life that resounds in the process. I am so very grateful to have been a part of today's miracle, and I dream of more to come!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
City bus ramblings
I was sitting on the bus yesterday
A woman
Not far ahead of me
Marmalade hair and grey roots
Long glossy hair tied
Up in a knot
I'm sure it's beautiful
Once the marmalade is out
But she hides her power with store bought
Dye
So noone can see how hard she's worked
For the wisdom and truth she carries
Inside her
She devalues herself
Her sisters
Her mothers
Trying to look like the girl
Who was awkward and searching
I promise myself that I will
Go silver
Let it shine
Show no fear
I want to see more crones
A woman
Not far ahead of me
Marmalade hair and grey roots
Long glossy hair tied
Up in a knot
I'm sure it's beautiful
Once the marmalade is out
But she hides her power with store bought
Dye
So noone can see how hard she's worked
For the wisdom and truth she carries
Inside her
She devalues herself
Her sisters
Her mothers
Trying to look like the girl
Who was awkward and searching
I promise myself that I will
Go silver
Let it shine
Show no fear
I want to see more crones
Friday, March 28, 2008
I wish...for changes in the workplace
Moms need a break. Dads need a break. Period. And I'm not just talking about parental leave. When you have children, working 40 hours a week makes it feel like you never see them. Up at 7, out the door by 8, back home by 6 pm and everyone needs to wind down, eat supper, homework, bath, bedtime by 830...it's enough to drive a mom mad!
I would love to see more companies who understand that old systems of working are not necessarily the best. As someone who works best in energetic spurts, and as a woman whose multitasking skills have been honed due to the trials of parenting, I know I'm capable of doing quality work in reduced timeframes. The old concept of working during specific hours, just to have presence, should go the way of the dinosaur. How about good management, and planning what your business goals are for the year, then giving people projects to fit those goals, and an added challenge: do it on your own schedule. If it meets the requirements in both quality and quantity, you can keep your schedule. This takes good management skills and feedback...sadly lacking in the majority of workplaces.
Next, take it a step further. If your employees aren't working from home, and you want them at work to collaborate and so on, make a really beautiful work environment. Add in high quality childcare onsite, and let people access their kids whenever they want to, whether for breastfeeding or a snuggle.
I know there are a few companies out there doing it, but they are few and far between. Let's get creative and make some more...I am betting you will have fewer sick days and happier, more productive staff all around.
I would love to see more companies who understand that old systems of working are not necessarily the best. As someone who works best in energetic spurts, and as a woman whose multitasking skills have been honed due to the trials of parenting, I know I'm capable of doing quality work in reduced timeframes. The old concept of working during specific hours, just to have presence, should go the way of the dinosaur. How about good management, and planning what your business goals are for the year, then giving people projects to fit those goals, and an added challenge: do it on your own schedule. If it meets the requirements in both quality and quantity, you can keep your schedule. This takes good management skills and feedback...sadly lacking in the majority of workplaces.
Next, take it a step further. If your employees aren't working from home, and you want them at work to collaborate and so on, make a really beautiful work environment. Add in high quality childcare onsite, and let people access their kids whenever they want to, whether for breastfeeding or a snuggle.
I know there are a few companies out there doing it, but they are few and far between. Let's get creative and make some more...I am betting you will have fewer sick days and happier, more productive staff all around.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Living green
Despite all the hype, I am going to come out and admit it: living green is d*$%ed hard. It is! Making changes to our consumption patterns and changing our environmental blueprint takes some personal evolution and a heck of a lot of soul searching.
At a time when going green is cool, everywhere you look there is another joe trying to sell you something that is "environmentally friendly". Huh? So trading in my poly-cotton bedsheets for organic cotton is good for the environment? What do I do with my old sheets? Send them to the thrift store so someone else, who can't afford to be eco-friendly(or is just smarter than me), can buy 'em? Should I really buy the corn bottle for my water with the built in filter because it will biodegrade? Perhaps the companies that tout these products are truly offering their wares out of concern for the earth. Perhaps they realize that there is also a great amount of money to be made from our mass hysteria about global warming, landfills, and celebrity endorsements of earth friendly living.
C'mon people! Reduce, reuse, recycle. It's a simple concept, one that bears reiteration....
1. Reduce means that I STOP being such a stupid, mindless consumer. I personally avoid malls as much as I can because I often see things that I "need" to buy. Thank God I have the personal discipline (or maybe it's just the empty wallet) and often put off those decisions. I usually find I can go without. Does that mean that I don't have objects in my home that I love? Nope. I had a wise friend who told me, about 5 years back when I was having a similar rant to today, "But Amy, beauty is important. When you are careful about your choices, you can have beautiful things that support your spirit and enhance your life." She was right. These days I shop for form AND function, and look for unique, one of a kind items at thrift shops and local markets. When setting up my apartment last year, I had to purchase many household goods. I purchased a beautiful set of dishes from the late 70s/early 80s at a local thrift store and I smile every time I use them! The entire stack cost me less than $10, I wasn't buying a new product with lots of packaging, and I got a high quality well made item well within my budget. When it's a big purchase, like a digital camera, I buy for the longest use possible, which may mean a higher initial cost but with more features and better construction I will use it for a longer time period.
2. Reuse. See references to thrift stores in #1. Think of ways to use what you have in your home before you get rid of it, or exchange it with friends. Since I believe so strongly in #1, I'd like to see us choosing things for our homes that will last generations, instead of just "right now". Reusing the packaging that your food came in, for example, is a great idea. If you can get rid of the packaging in the first place (I never use all the pesky plastic bags in the grocery store produce department, for example, and it's never been a problem), then you've followed rule #1 and don't have anything to reuse in the first place.
3. Recycle. And not just your pop bottles. They fall under rule #1. So do plastic water bottles and more. If you must buy treats, make sure you do recycle. I for one think that beer and wine are more acceptable alternatives to pop because they come in glass bottles and glass is more earth friendly than plastic. Recycling, especially plastic, is important but also has great environmental and economic impact. If you can buy at stores that allow you to forgo their packaging and use your own containers, like bulk food stores, by all means, do it! If not, make sure that any items that can be recycled in your household are. Some commonly overlooked items are fluorescent lights and batteries, neither of which belong in the landfill.
Truly going green, as opposed to using our consuming tendencies to buy buy buy, can be hard. It means really weighing out our current purchases with their impact on our health and the health of our environment long term. Some of the benefits include being able to sleep better at night and reduced stress on your pocket book.
At a time when going green is cool, everywhere you look there is another joe trying to sell you something that is "environmentally friendly". Huh? So trading in my poly-cotton bedsheets for organic cotton is good for the environment? What do I do with my old sheets? Send them to the thrift store so someone else, who can't afford to be eco-friendly(or is just smarter than me), can buy 'em? Should I really buy the corn bottle for my water with the built in filter because it will biodegrade? Perhaps the companies that tout these products are truly offering their wares out of concern for the earth. Perhaps they realize that there is also a great amount of money to be made from our mass hysteria about global warming, landfills, and celebrity endorsements of earth friendly living.
C'mon people! Reduce, reuse, recycle. It's a simple concept, one that bears reiteration....
1. Reduce means that I STOP being such a stupid, mindless consumer. I personally avoid malls as much as I can because I often see things that I "need" to buy. Thank God I have the personal discipline (or maybe it's just the empty wallet) and often put off those decisions. I usually find I can go without. Does that mean that I don't have objects in my home that I love? Nope. I had a wise friend who told me, about 5 years back when I was having a similar rant to today, "But Amy, beauty is important. When you are careful about your choices, you can have beautiful things that support your spirit and enhance your life." She was right. These days I shop for form AND function, and look for unique, one of a kind items at thrift shops and local markets. When setting up my apartment last year, I had to purchase many household goods. I purchased a beautiful set of dishes from the late 70s/early 80s at a local thrift store and I smile every time I use them! The entire stack cost me less than $10, I wasn't buying a new product with lots of packaging, and I got a high quality well made item well within my budget. When it's a big purchase, like a digital camera, I buy for the longest use possible, which may mean a higher initial cost but with more features and better construction I will use it for a longer time period.
2. Reuse. See references to thrift stores in #1. Think of ways to use what you have in your home before you get rid of it, or exchange it with friends. Since I believe so strongly in #1, I'd like to see us choosing things for our homes that will last generations, instead of just "right now". Reusing the packaging that your food came in, for example, is a great idea. If you can get rid of the packaging in the first place (I never use all the pesky plastic bags in the grocery store produce department, for example, and it's never been a problem), then you've followed rule #1 and don't have anything to reuse in the first place.
3. Recycle. And not just your pop bottles. They fall under rule #1. So do plastic water bottles and more. If you must buy treats, make sure you do recycle. I for one think that beer and wine are more acceptable alternatives to pop because they come in glass bottles and glass is more earth friendly than plastic. Recycling, especially plastic, is important but also has great environmental and economic impact. If you can buy at stores that allow you to forgo their packaging and use your own containers, like bulk food stores, by all means, do it! If not, make sure that any items that can be recycled in your household are. Some commonly overlooked items are fluorescent lights and batteries, neither of which belong in the landfill.
Truly going green, as opposed to using our consuming tendencies to buy buy buy, can be hard. It means really weighing out our current purchases with their impact on our health and the health of our environment long term. Some of the benefits include being able to sleep better at night and reduced stress on your pocket book.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Chance meetings
Today I was blessed to meet a wonderful spiritual guide, Chekotah Bronson. He is from Alberta and on his way through New Brunswick...I don't remember why? But some people that you meet just pour out energy and light. Without even knowing me he gave me words of encouragement and insight about midwifery and serving women, babies and the world.
Thank you Chekotah!
Thank you Chekotah!
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